Maz 28-29 - Berlin



Not that I am bitching here or anything, but 2 straight posts and no comments. Guess either my readers have declined, or people have stopped caring. Or both.



Normally, I´d wait a couple days to update, but I´ve been in Berlin for less than 8 hours and have had soime ridiculous shit happen, so I felt like attacking it when its fresh. I jsut got home from a pub after dinner (much more on this later) so I fekt like sharing. Seeing as how everyone loved my last drunken post, well, here´s the sequel.

But first, my final night in Prague was relatively tame. The previous 3 weeks have kicked my ass. I went to a pub called the Dubliner for the UEFA Champions final, and unfortunately Man U lost, and looked pretty horrendous doing so. I was downing Guinness like it was going out of style. But after that, I decided to head to the hotel. Enough was enough. I´ve been in Europe for 3 weeks and 2 days (which have been the fastest 3 weeks of my life by the way) and can count my sober nights on 2 fingers.

There was a nice, relaxing 4.5 hour train ride from Prague to Berlin, where I had some serious ipod time. I´ve obviously had a lot of walking and train time, so my ipod has ben my best friend. Since this blog is all about me sharing, here are some of the tunes that I can´t get enough of right now. For all those shrinks out there, don´t read too much into these, it just seems like when one of these songs comes on I smile, have to turn it up or listen to it 3 times. You all know that feeling I´m talking about
- Through the wire and American Boy - Kanye
- I wish you would and Stay with me - Train
- Somebody´s crying - Chris Isaak
- Closer to Love and Undeniable - Mat Kearney
- New York, New York´- Ryan Adams
- Somewhere only we know - Keane
- Crack a bottle - Eminem (I´m a thug)
- Live your Life - TI
- Tie my hands - Lil Wayne
- Sunday Mornign - Maroon 5
- I´m no angel - Dido
- Rehab - Rihanna

OK, so Berlin. I got into my hotel, dropped my shit and started walking. Popped in the ipod, and Bob Marley´s "Positive Vibration" came on. For some reason, the lines of "Cause it´s a new day, a new time, a new feeling, a new sign, oh whhat new day" just reasonated with me, in that I was in Berlin, which is a city that with the fall of the wall created a new day, a new time and a new feeling. I don´t know.

So after walking around for about 3 hours and seeing some amazing stuff (the Reichstag, the Holocaust Memorial, Potsdam Plaza and parts of the Berlin Wall) I started walking towards home to find some dinner. And before you pass judgment on this story, please wait till the end. So I see a leggy brunette walk out of an apartment building with white thigh high fuck me boots, ooohh. Whoooaaaa, tiny miniskirt too. Wait, is her thong hanging out too?? WTF?? Is she?? Is...she....a....hooker??? Yep. Nasty nasty nasty. Gross. So she walks to the street corner, throws the fuck me eyes to like 10 passing cars, and no lie, 20 seconds after walking out, a car stops. She walks to drivers side, then 2 secnds later walks around and gets in. I guess some jobs arent adversely affected by the economy. Economic downturn my ass. I was taken aback. It's 8:30 pm and still light out!!! I continue my walk, and at the next intersection i look right. At a hot pink tight top mini skirt one piece awful thingy. I look left. Fishnet stockings, fat ass hanging out everywhere. Now Im thinking....holy shit, what neighborhood am I in? Where am I? I gotta get the fuck outta here. Stat.

Make my way back to normalness, or so I thought. Found an irish pub (hey, its my first night, you go with what you know...) and a live band comes on. I'll listen to live music anywhere...even if its Germans in an Irish pub in Germany singing American tunes. Erik and the Dominos come on, and they're not that bad. They open wuith Dire Straits' Sultans of Swing, and its solid. So I stay for beer 2. They prep for song 2 and the dude is jabbering in german for like 30 seconds, then they bustz into Great Balls of Fire. Again, not bad, but just didnt seem right with the german intro. Beer 3. This is when thigs turn odd and I start to figure things out. The lead singer looks like Wilford Brimley with shades on. The lead guitarist looks like a 55 yr old version of Seth Jacobsen - tall, gangly, goofy messy blonde hair. Some dude sitting up front looked like Richard Petty, circa 1979 - cowboy hat, tight jeans, boots, the whole shebang. He's in the crowd, people, not the band! I look to my left, and a Billy Ray Cyrus clone from his Achy Breaky Heart days is sitting next to me. Talk about a Germullet, that head of hair was fierce. The dude to my right looks like he just shit his pants. Not a sudden look, like "holy shit I just shit my pants!!!", a constant, uncomfortable look like he just did and he's OK with it. We've all seen them before - a perpetual look of anguish, almost like they are squinting as they are staring into the sun, furrowed brow, nose perked up. What's that smell?? I'm beginning to think he did just shit his pants. Where the fuck am I??? I feel like I smoked crack and time warped back to 1983. Beer 4. I give the waitress a 10, so beer with tip is 6 bucks. 6 in german is sechs. So I say "sechs please" and giggle. Like I said, I'm a juvenile. Her name is Bianka. Beer 5 and it gets funnier. "sechs please, danke bianka." Now I rhyme. The band busts out CCR. No way. Germans singing CCR should be illegal. In fact, there should be some Geneva convention outlawing any non-americans from singing CCR. Now they brought Richard Petty on stage. He is 5'2, tops. I can't remember what they were playing because I was laughing too hard. So Richard Petty sits down and starts rocking out on the spoons. This is not a joke. He busts them out and starts going buckwild. He is jamming almost uncontrollably, and then finishes up when I notice something - he carries his spoons in a fucking holster!!! This guy is fucking unreal. He even did the wild west spoon spinnerama finish and tucked them into the holster. Complete and utter hilarity. I walk out when they start into Hotel California. I dont care what country I am in. I fucking hate the Eagles



(not the Phiadelphia Eagles for those wiseasses out there. the band. I felt compelled to add this because some dipshit would inevitably say something)